Evergreens
by Lost Whispers
Summary: When the opportunity to go home is given to Ursa, she wonders if life in the Fire Nation is really something she could ever be content with again. One-Shot. Turtle-Ducks Part 4.


**Evergreens**

She'd been so close to escaping the Earth Kingdom; so close to going guilt-free back to her own country, the Fire Nation. Then he had to get involved again.

Ursa sighed softly as she wandered through a thick, shady forest of pine trees. Their spiny green needles jutted out from knobby brown branches and bobbed up and down on a sharp, cold autumn breeze. Underneath her feet, dead brown needles crunched and crackled softly; a noise barely audible over the continuous roar of the wind rushing through the tops of the ancient green trees. Reaching out a weary hand, Ursa pulled a rough brown pine cone from the tip of one sagging branch, smiling as the branch bounced back to its original position with a gentle rustling sound.

For a moment, she studied the strange thing in her hand. How did something so small and awkward and ugly become something so huge and graceful and breathtaking? Real life didn't work like that. Mean-tempered people couldn't live in harmony with anyone; bad-looking people couldn't have attractive children; animal-loving people couldn't be butchers; the list went on and on. In theory, Ursa mused, it was nice to think unlovable things like pine cones could become incredible things like the tall, mighty evergreens she was surrounded by, but the world wasn't like that. Once an outcast, always an outcast.

Dropping the pine cone, Ursa pulled a small, slightly weathered-looking piece of parchment from her robe and wistfully looked down at it. It represented so many things besides long-awaited and completely unexpected communication from someone she thought had forgotten her. In the letter's simple words was the promise of either a new future or a chance at old happiness; the ability to make things better or return them to their original glorified state; the possibility of starting fresh or reviving old passion. And Ursa wasn't sure she wanted any of that.

"Dear Ursa, I miss you. Please come home." The words repeated over and over in her head until she couldn't have forgotten them if she'd wanted to. To think; after all these years she'd spent suffering in the lonely Earth Kingdom, Ozai had finally decided to take her back. At first, the news had seemed unbelievable. Right as she gave up on ever hearing from him again, he had found a way to stop her in her tracks. Now she was puzzling over the whole opportunity. She'd been ready to start over; to make a new life for herself without any of the guilt she'd harbored for so long.

But now Ozai was giving her a once-in-a-lifetime chance to have her old life back - no strings attached. It should've been an easy decision to make, but something was holding her back. Maybe that wasn't the way she really wanted to live; locked away in hidden parts of the palace and brought out like some sort of decoration on special occasions. Although she'd been satisfied with that lifestyle at one point, it was starting to seem like a horrible way to live.

Freedom had never been very important to Ursa. In fact, having someone tell her where to go, what to do, how to do it and with whom had always made her feel relaxed and at ease. When someone else was in charge of her life, she never had to worry about anything but following orders. In the Fire Nation, Ozai had always taken care of her and made sure she knew what his plans for her day were. It was less to concentrate on and she knew that as long as she did what he asked, they'd both be happy. She wasn't sure she could rely on herself, even after these last six or so years doing just that. If someone else was willing to take the responsibility, who was she to object?

But Ozai did have flaws - his obsession with power; his issue with favoritism, specifically regarding Zuko and Azula; his inability to show any kind of affection. Loneliness was a big problem for Ursa. She didn't like that Ozai never had any time for her - he hardly found time for himself. How could she expect that things would be any different now than they ever had been before? He would still be too busy for her and she would still be lonely.

Things would be different, though. Ursa knew that. Even if her relationship with Ozai didn't change, her family had. Zuko was gone, fighting with the avatar. Azula had grown up a blood-thirsty monster with only one desire in life - to get the throne. Neither of them seemed redeemable; treachery and power-obsessiveness were not conflicts easily reversed. Hot, angry tears filled Ursa's shining golden eyes. It was her fault her children were so messed up. Maybe if she'd done something different...maybe if she hadn't left...

But it was too late to do anything about that now. Even if she went home, she'd still be miserable; always wondering what she could've done to save her family. There was no doubt in her mind that she was going to the Fire nation, but that didn't mean she'd return to Ozai. He would never know if she started over without him. After letting her stay in the Earth Kingdom for so long, he should've been expecting it.

Ursa stepped slowly into a clearing. In front of her, two overgrown paths wound through the sturdy pine trees. Taking a moment to pick a direction, she seated herself on a large gray stone and looked upwards. The sky was a solid sheet of silver clouds, all twisting and churning around each other in a fervent attempt to hold steady against the vicious wind. A single raindrop fell noiselessly from the confusion and hit the soft bed of pin needles with a tiny tap, soon followed by a million identical noises as the clouds tore open and rain cascaded to the dry earth.

Finding shelter from the downpour underneath an enormous old tree, Ursa smiled. One of the things she loved about the Earth Kingdom was how clean the rain was. When it fell, it washed away the dust and dirt which covered the land, cleansing it of itself. In the Fire Nation, everything was polluted to begin with and even the rain was stale and dirty.

She breathed in the soothingly fresh scent of pine and leaned back against her tree, eyes closed, wondering how she'd ever thought she could leave the Earth Kingdom. She didn't need to go to the Fire Nation to find a place to call home. Here in this simple country, home had already found her.

**A/N: This is the end of my little one-shot series. If you haven't read "Turtle-Ducks," "Lilacs," and "Letters," check them out. They'll probably explain a lot...**


End file.
